I realize it’s been quite some time since my last post. In fact, I just looked at the date and it has been nearly 6 months since I’ve posted anything new. One reason it has been so long is this: I was under a conviction that I needed to be sure I could share what I felt God wanted me to share without seeking any of the glory for myself.
It can be easy to write truth while possessing a heart thirsty for the glory and praise.
After some time of self-examination, I knew time away was necessary because as true and good as the things were that I wanted to share, my reason was less noble. I did not just seek God’s glory, I sought my own. What words would sound most impressive? What things could I say to impress others with my knowledge or perspective? Much has happened in the 6 months but it was necessary not to be here.
Instead of probing those 6 months I want to share a few things of where I am right now. Apart from being a glory hog - I also tend to allow my emotions to get the best of me. While I am not the most outwardly expressive with emotions, I have discovered that God has given me a sensitive heart. I like to refer to this as a heart that feels fiercely. For years I struggled to understand this part of myself. My emotional capacities were seen as weaknesses so I attempted to stave them. Crying was the ultimate sign of weakness. Only sissies cried. Showing pain was the mark of someone who was weak. Everything about displaying emotion - with the exception of anger spoke weakness to me. But I have since learned how healthy it is to properly feel and display and work through emotions. However, emotions must not control us.
God calls me to have self-control. Self-control is driven by the “s” word so many people, even in our Christian circles, consider dirty: SUBMISSION. But this is not just any submission, it is submission to the Spirit, for any other form of submission is still sinful. As a human, I am carnal. Even though I am redeemed, set free, justified, and made righteous sin lurks in the shadows desiring to master me. Therefore, I must be in control of my flesh.
Being overcome by anything but the Spirit - to SUBMIT to anything other than the Spirit of God - is nothing short of sin; idolatry; spiritual fornication.
Praise (self or from others)
Appetites of the flesh
Etc. Etc. Etc.
As I first made mention, I realized I was being controlled by my emotions. I was a slave to them, allowed myself to submit to them; finding myself excusing my actions or thoughts because of my emotions. Emotions are good and proper and right when expressed and dealt with appropriately, but there is never cause for them to control me.
This got me to thinking about women in general and how it is so easy and even common for us to view women (yes, even we as women are guilty of this view point) as weak, soft, delicate, emotional, dramatic, lesser, insignificant. These thoughts are highlighted in comparison to men who are supposed to be tough, strong, unemotional, and all the other garbage we hear. Yet on the flip side it is usually noted as un-lady like to be fierce; to have a warrior’s spirit and to fight. For nearly 2 years I have been wrestling with different aspects of growing as a woman; what does it look like to embrace womanhood in its fullness? What does it even look like in its fullness? How do I embrace emotion and utilize it properly for God’s glory. Why did God create my heart to be as sensitive as it is? How do I live with it? What is proper to express? How do I do so? Is there a right balance of holding back and bringing forth emotions? How does God instruct women of the Word to live?
I have since begun a Bible study on these women of the Word. I have initially called it Mighty Women of Valor. I have been using Scriptures to probe the lives of the women mentioned (which can sparse) and see what Scripture has to say about them. Now, some might say that my studies are full of too much speculation but I am seeking to understand what life may have been like and how these women may have had to deal with their situations. Who were they? What were they like? Who are these mighty women of the Word that have embraced their womanhood and done what they were called to do to glorify God? Soon I plan to share some of the major points I am gathering from this study and I hope that it will encourage other women to embrace fierce, biblical womanhood. Perhaps God may even use in the lives of men to give a fresh view on women in the Bible. Who knows.
Thanks for sticking with me. I cannot wait to share more with you soon!